Pearl of Wisdom #3: FIND YOUR TRIBE.
Call it a community, call it a club, call it a sisterhood, or call it a tribe. Whatever you call it, you need one!
Your tribe are those that gather around you in life through the good, the bad and the ugly. The ones who see the greatness in you, lift you up and help you remember who you really are.
They are the ones who, even if you don’t see them face-to-face as often as you’d like, you see them heart-to-heart.
You trust each other, share similar beliefs and interests. But also celebrate each others individuality. With them you feel fully accepted for who you are.
Your connection is built on a foundation of acceptance, genuine care, encouragement, transparency, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
Do you have a tribe like this?
In our fast-paced, career-driven, tech-addicted society, these types of relationships seem so few and far between.
As connected as this world is, we have somehow managed to become more disconnected than ever.
Whether we’re willing to admit it or not, we all long to find our tribe…our people…our sisterhood! It’s human nature to desire acceptance and belonging.
By nature, we are tribal beings. We need each other like oxygen. We need to know that we belong to a tribe where we feel safe and free to express who we really are.
Without our tribe, we may wind up feeling depressed, disconnected, even sick.
According to a study conducted by Australia’s Flinder’s University, after following 1,500 people for 10 years, researchers discovered that people with a large network of friends outlived their counterparts by 22%.
Other studies touting the health benefits of friendship among women showed that friends lower the risk of disease by reducing blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol.
Clearly, finding your tribe, your people, can be one of the best things you can do for your health; it might even save your life.
A healthy lifestyle requires more than a healthy diet, and regular exercise. We must also have healthy, nourishing, growth-filled, and nurturing relationships.
The journey to living your healthiest and happiest life will not come without it’s challenges. The truth is- achieving any goal in life is difficult. You will experience many highs and lows along the way. That’s why it is so critical that you surround yourself with people who truly love and support you, unconditionally.
Now with that shared, your tribe does require more than just finding “like-minded and supportive women”, therefore I do highly recommend that you practice discretion when choosing who makes the cut.
“Who you spend time with is who you become.” ~ Tony Robins
So, you must be selective about who you say yes to and who you invite into your tribe. Because who you choose to surround yourself with now, will influence the path you end up taking and who you will become in the future.
This has been one of the GREATEST lessons I’ve learned over the past seven months.
So, if you’re jonesing to find your soul tribe who will support your personal evolution then here are Seven Nuggets of Gold that I’ve learned are the foundations of thriving tribes.
May these personal lessons help you build more authentic relationships, foster a deeper sense of connection and community in your own life and essentially help you find your tribe!
Nugget of Gold #1: DITCH JUDGEMENT.
Judgement…it’s everywhere right now and social media has made it even worse!
We judge ourselves. We judge each other. We judge our friends, our family, our co-workers, our enemies and so on. Some of us don’t even realize it. Some of us are judging them for judging us, and its all still judgment.
All this judgment is killing us, emotionally, spiritually and physically. It’s robbing us of enjoying a happy, healthy and peaceful life.
We all just want to feel loved, supported and understood. As mentioned at the beginning of this email, feeling loved, supported and understood is essential to our survival.
As humans we are often quick to judge others, make conclusions and hold grudges. We judge even though in most cases we have no idea what the other person is going through. We can assume, and usually what we assume isn’t even the truth.
“Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on”
We each walk in our own shoes, and it’s time for us to show more kindness towards each other.
It’s time for us to rise-up and leave our judgment behind.
If you haven’t read the Judgment Detox: Release the Beliefs That Hold You Back from Living A Better Life by Gabrielle Bernstein…READ IT!!!
In her book she outlines a six-step plan to overcome “separation from love” (her personal definition of judgment). These steps are simple, difficult in practice, but truly transformational when mastered.
- Witness your judgment without judgment
- Honour your wounds
- Put love on the altar by surrendering
- See yourself as you truly are
- Cut the cords that beget revenge
- Bring your shadows to light through forgiveness of self.
I have successfully used her mediation technique of “Cutting the Energetic Cord” to release anger and judgement I was feeling towards Mike for his ‘perceived’ lack of love, support and understanding towards me.
Gabrielle’s technique for bringing our personal shadows into light gave me the ability to forgive myself for not showing up for my on-line community in the ways they needed and deserved me to show-up.
This book is about valuing where you are right now. It’s about teaching you ways to ditch judgement and return to love.
I really hope you take the time to read the Judgement Detox. It’s going to change your life. And when you change your life, you change the lives of everyone else around you!
Nugget of Gold #2: APOLOGY FREE ZONE.
A tribe where you feel the pressure to always apologize for your thoughts, feelings and actions isn’t going to work.
Connect with people who just “get you”. Who let you be you and who love and support you even if they don’t always agree with you. That’s how trust and unconditional love is developed.
Once you’ve establish that you accept and respect each other, exactly as you are, you’ll never have to say you’re sorry again.
Remember, you will be too much for some people, those aren’t your people.
Be YOU, unapologetically!
Nugget of Gold #3: FROM ME TO WE.
A healthy, thriving tribe depends on unity; the shift from me-centered to we-centered.
The problem I see with many groups is that people only want to know “what’s in it for me”. They want all the benefits of being apart of a thriving tribe, but they don’t want to or know how to make the shift to collective unity so that every person’s needs in the tribe matter equally.
A healthy tribe won’t work if any one person is taking advantage of the tribe’s generosity without reciprocity.
I see this quite often in Facebook groups. You see the same people posting and commenting all the time, while others sit on the sidelines, actively reading, learning and taking from the group, without even giving anything back. All it takes is a second to like someone’s comment, or to give them a virtual high five. This simple act might seem so small, but the payoff for you and the recipient can be immeasurable.
Nugget of Gold #4: RELENTLESS ACTION TAKERS.
Surround yourself with people who are forever marching forward. Who are never satisfied with one-time success because they know that success is an ongoing journey.
They keep the big picture in mind and work according to the vision they have for their life.
They set goals, work hard, accomplish what they set out to achieve, but they don’t stop there. When one set of goals is achieved, they raise the bar higher and give themselves a new set of goals.
They take ‘imperfect action’.
The only real difference between successful people and average people is that successful people ‘DO’ whatever it takes to succeed. They don’t wait for things to be perfect. They take action in spite of imperfection.
Surrounding yourself with ambitious and productive people will inspire you, keep you thinking positively and encourage you to keep evolving as you set new goals for yourself and aspire to be and live a happy and successful life.
The world is full of people who make brilliant plans. But it is the doers who put their plans into action, who succeed in accomplishing goals.
Surround yourself with such people. They will inspire you to overcome your ‘perceived’ limitations, to take imperfect action and to continue to move steadily towards living your best life.
Nugget of Gold #5: SOLUTION FOCUSED MINDSET.
No matter who you are or what you do, you will always encounter problems in one form or the other. Often times, when these problems arise, we immediately express our frustration and vent to anyone willing to listen. This frustration and negativity we feel flows through our bodies, affecting how we think, what we say, and how we interact with those around us. This way of being often breeds more problems.
Our health, our relationships and our productivity demand that we make a shift in how we approach our problems. Instead of complaining about things not working out, we must alter our instinctual reactions to problems and focus instead on solutions to fixing the problems.
Developing and evolving a solution focused mindset takes time, discipline and practice. So be sure to surround yourself with people who have this mindset so that they can help you shift your focus away from your problems and on to the solutions.
Nugget of Gold #6: PROVIDE GENUINE FEEDBACK.
It is human nature to hear good things about ourselves. Most people gravitate towards those who appreciate them and talk positively about them.
But it is not wise to have ‘yes people’ around you all the time. To have a balanced view about yourself, including the shadows, it is important that you surround yourself with people who will provide authentic feedback and who don’t mince words while giving their honest opinion about you. They will help you better yourself, rectify your mistakes, work on your weak spots and help you grow.
Nugget of Gold #7: DON’T TRADE AUTHENTICITY FOR APPROVAL.
If you want to know your tribe speak your truth and see who sticks around.
Surround yourself with people who get you and love you because of it. Be real, transparent and vulnerable.
If you need to pretend or hide your true self, you are with the wrong people.
Surround yourself with people who knowingly or unknowingly give you permission to take off your mask and to completely be yourself.
Becoming your true self is one of the most liberating things you can do. It’s a process that will take time as there is the fear or losing the love and friendship of certain people but what good is connection to others who want you to be someone you’re not?
Learn to be perfectly imperfect and surround yourself with people that have this same philosophy.
As I journey through life and mindfully cultivate my tribe of beautiful souls who love and accept me just as I am, I find myself becoming increasingly brave in sharing parts of myself that I’ve previously hidden. What I’m learning is that not only are they not rejecting me – they’re telling me they love me even more because I’m willing to be perfectly, imperfect.
When I’m brave enough to show people my ugly messiness, they tend to do the same, and this fosters a deeper sense of belonging and connection.
I know who I am. That’s all that matters.
I am passionate, intense, emotional, creative, weird, insightful, intuitive, observant, authentic, sensitive, and talkative.
I’m an introvert and play the role of an extrovert on the internet.
I’m a visual leaner, a healer, a connector, a manifestor.
I love music, crafts, coffee, writing, tarot cards, food, yoga, weight training, books, planning, Pinterest, moonifesting, and all things mystic.
My favorite body parts to train is my butt and my arms and my favorite macro is fat.
Self care for me looks like a 2-hour thrift shop exploration, health care store investigation or a journey through the aisles of a book store.
I believe that we are inherently “good” beings and that we are naturally inclined to feel compassion and love for others. When we are being “bad” or as I prefer to call it “acting out”, it’s just our ego’s way of building up defense systems to protect itself from future hurt.
I believe that people can ‘change’. I have witnessed people behaving at their best and I have seen people operating at their absolute worst.
I have witnessed people get stuck and unstuck.
I have witnessed hearts break and mend again.
I have witnessed people make horrendous decisions and beautiful ones, too.
I have witnessed real-life miracles, unfolding before my eyes.
The miracle of forgiveness. The miracle of unconditional love.
I believe that you can learn to forgive and to let go, no matter what.
I know it, because I have done it and so can you!
So, who are you?
What do you love?
What are your core benefits?
Where can you show-up, feel supported and are celebrated for who you REALLY are?
My great wish is that you find your tribe.
Where you fit in.
Where you belong.
Where you are seen, loved and recognized.
I had a vision 10 years ago of gathering a tribe of women in a healthy, vibrant way, so that we could nurture each other, support each other, gently challenge each other, break into dance parties as we celebrate even the smallest of wins, and see past the masks we all wear with “magical eyes” and to witness the Goddess that lies within each of us.
I called that tribe Love Yourself Lean.
A community of warm, open-hearted, forgiving, non-judgemental radiant women, who have a deep desire to connect with other beautiful souls as we journey through womanhood together, with a deep desire to take better care of ourselves physically, emotionally and soulfully.
From food, fitness, relationships, career, sleep, hormones, mood swings & cravings, to stress management practices and rituals for intentional living.
To enjoy optimal wellness, we need to stop linking health and well-being to one thing. There are a number of interconnected things that we MUST consider if we want to live a fit, healthy and fulfilled life.
As the leader of this community I’m committed to helping women better understand the interconnectedness of wellness and to provide a safe, supportive space for them to get the inspiration, motivation, and tools to cultivate healthy habits from a place of love, care and respect for their body!
There’s more to health than food and exercise, and there’s more to life than calories and weight loss.
Your worth should not be measured by the number on the scale, nor the size of your waist.
I want to help you cut the negative self talk, gain confidence, and end the battle with your body and your weight, so that you can commit to taking better care of yourself because you love yourself.
The Love Yourself Lean Community is for you if…
** you’re ready to commit to fully loving and supporting yourself with the help of other women who share your philosophy of what it means to live life well.
** self-care has lost its place in your daily life and you’re ready to make a real, deep commitment to changing how you care for yourself, physically, mentally and emotionally.
** you’re ready to stop letting the scale steal your happiness and be a gauge of your self-worth.
** you would like to learn how to love, enjoy and respect your body no matter where you are on your weight-loss journey.
** everything else you’ve tried to transform your body hasn’t worked and you’re ready to take a new path. A path fueled by love, curiosity and excitement, instead of body-hate, frustration, overwhelm and disappointment.
** you are committed to being kind to yourself, befriending yourself, and to helping other women do the same.
** you’re ready to commit to living a life from a place of self-love and to inspire other women to get there too!
The Love Yourself Community is NOT for you if…
** you’re looking for a ‘magic diet’ plan or rapid fat loss ‘secrets’.
** you’re looking for over-night weight loss success.
** If you value your worth by your dress size.
** Believe the myth that “I’ll be happier when I lose weight.”
To truly transform on the outside you must first take a journey inside, where self-love and self-care become your new mindset.
The Love Yourself Lean Community is YOUR space. Your new tribe of support as you journey down a new path of healing your body, nurturing your soul and intentionally designing a life you love.
And today I would like to officially invite to join my FREE on-line Love Yourself Lean Community.
I’ve created a free Facebook group for us to gather in community committed to love upon ourselves and each other.
If you’re feeling my vibe then join my tribe!
Come and join me in our Love Yourself Lean Private Facebook group, where together – heart to heart—we can call upon the support and wisdom cultivated in community to learn, grow, and connect more deeply with ourselves and each other.
“She was a collector of reflections looking for souls that could see deeply inside her soul.” ? Shannon L. Alder
Thank you so much for reading my Eat Pray Love email series over the past week. This experience has been about shedding layers of untruths to get to the ripe, juicy center of myself.
In sharing my journey, I hope that you’ll choose to love up on yourself simply because you deserve it. Because its no one else’s job to do so but you.
Your love is the most potent, most powerful love you can receive. I hope that you will seek this love for yourself. I hope that you take care of yourself so that you can take care of yourself – end of story!
Your self care doesn’t need to be justified; your self love does not require qualification. You are the only being on this planet who is responsible for giving yourself the validation and acceptance you seek – it is your sacred duty, yours to own, yours to honor and yours to keep safe.
Today, take your commitment to self-love one step further and give yourself the gift of being held in a safe container with other women to dive deep into healing your body, empowering your mind and connecting with the truth of who you really are and how you desire to live your life.
YOU DESERVE TO BE AND FEEL SUPPORTED.
Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.
I love the idea of having a “tribe” to navigate this world with.
Grateful to have you join us!
~ Coach Courtney
P.S. In my next email I’ll be sharing what’s on the horizon for me, our LYL community and what you can expect from me.
PPS. If you have a girlfriend, sister, daughter or colleague who you think this email could help or inspire, please feel free to send them this email and invite them to join our FREE Love Yourself Lean Community Facebook Group. Together let’s help each other take better care of ourselves.